trixxiebon

I know I'm a wreck. Everyone is. Individually, we think we are worse than others. When it comes to basic courtesy, morals and etiquette or the way we present ourselves, we often think that we are better than others. Right now, I'm feeling vulnerable and weak. Definitely not a bad day. I'm neither here nor there more likely. I'm upset but not to the point where I would do something drastic. I have done drastic things a couple of times but today wasn't that bad.

So yeah, I'm a mess. Everyone claims so. That or my conscience making me believe so. My low self-esteem makes me interpret social signals from strangers or acquaintances badly. I'm trying hard to be there for others because I know I want the same. In return, I receive countless complaints of disappointment, telling me how badly I've been behaving. A little appreciation for what I have done good, or acknowledgement on best efforts. Time after time, I fall short to what I assume are people's expectations of me. The only real expectations are the ones coming from me. I need a push, that comes in a form of encouragement, not the other way around.

No, I'm not the type to prove others wrong if someone has something awful to say about me. I conclude from there that I am whatever the fuck I am. If I were to prove others wrong, would that mean that I do believe that I am what they say I am? It brings me down even further, into the ground that I'm not even sure who or what I am. I would love someone to just give me the love I give to others. Yes, of course, as usual I am often labeled as the 'taker' but all the giving I have done goes unnoticed.

"There are boundaries we pass in spite of the war,
But our own, we can't seem to cross.

There are things we can change if we just choose to fight,
But the walls of injustice are high."