trixxiebon

I don't know why I am in this house even. I feel so lost even outside of it. I feel lost even with my friends. I feel lost even when I am surrounded by 101 people. I'll always look forward to sleep in hope that everything will be better when I wake up the next day. Even my dreams are a mixture of troubles.

The past week has been quite a blur. Last Tuesday, my boyfriend's childhood nanny and guardian passed away without notice. I went over to his place, I did my best but even I can't heal his broken heart. I guess time will tell but I'm at grief at his loss. I did make him laugh from time to time but I can always see the sadness in his eyes and I can feel his heavy heart. I have met Mak Maria, she was a wonderful lady and she deserves all of my blessings. I hope my prayers reach her. May Allah always be with my boyfriend as much He has always been with us through out tough times.

The day after, a Wednesday, I went to meet my best friend, which seems like ages since I last saw her, to get some books. I was a moment too late so when I reached the bench she was on, I saw her crying. I don't know how to react, honestly but I just wanted to hug her and keep quiet. Sometimes I wish I had enough strength to feel the same about myself.

I have always known to have a great shoulder for my friends to cry on. I was told to be a great listener thanks to my open mind. I have always learnt to help give more than I should ever take because I have nothing to lose. But I have never felt so helpless when it came to this. I have never seen the people I love the most at wit's end and it hurts me a lot. I have never let anyone this close to my heart and emotionally grip me this bad. I feel scared.