So tell me when you hear my hear stops

You're the only one who knows

Tell me when you hear my silence

There's a possibility I wouldn't know

Possibility by Lykke Li

I feel okay. Not okay as in I'm contradicting being fine. I really am, just okay. I'd like to feel this okay until the rest of the day, if it could last. I should say at times, I could be the best optimist everyone's ever known of but I am truly a pessimist. I confuse myself at times.

I am in my most apathetic mood to date. I am tired of my friends and my loved ones. Don't get me wrong, no one is at fault here. Well, most probably they are since I am not in a mood to blame myself. I am just tired of having to live up to people's expectations. People who supposedly give a damn towards me. Yes, I understand that it is for my best. No one ever gets that, "The best for me" = "What I truly want. " For example: I want to draw freely. To whoever: Scenario 1) Oh she wants to be an artist, send her to: (random art institution) or Scenario 2) Art is not a good environment for youths these days, I suggest she should grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer. Screw this shit. I'm in a constant dilemma of doing what I ought to do, as some of them say it, continue my education, etc. Or do what I want, which I have yet to figure out, and fuck the rest. If it makes me happy, why the hell not? I guess happiness is not the top priority when it comes to my future (I assume in other people's minds). Fuck everyone and their narrow mindset.

You wanna know what I think?

I don't care if you have a sports car, you drive a vintage automobile, ride bicycle as transport or if you live by public transport. I don't care if you earn 50 grand a year or you live by the roadside with a tin can. I don't care if you have been to several countries, survived countless of wars or live in the countryside. I don't care if you are heterosexual, homosexual or a transgender. I don't care if you are physically disabled, coloured, fat or old. If you are a nice person with a big heart, with solely good intentions, I can be the same person towards you. I really don't care right now, okay? I don't care if your butt looks big in those jeans. If you feel uncomfortable wearing it, that don't wear it. It is simple as that. Right now, I wish for everyone to leave me alone. x