Dear Air France, sometimes I think the way we met happened too fast ... But uh, I, I'll always think about you when I'm drunk
I often look back into the past and find myself searching for answers to life's ongoing troubles. Taking a walk down memory lane can be torturous. Being a sceptic at best, I punish myself for everything I have done wrong and hardly reward myself for my achievements. I enjoy hearing others' opinions that shouldn't matter and stray away from the problems at hand. I haven't given myself time to hear what I have to say for myself because I fear that I use harsh, unkindly words to get by. It's time to take a break from people. It's time to discover myself.
Today was very difficult to go through. My indecisiveness and lack of self-importance didn't help. I seek comfort in friends' advice and words of motivation but the courage only lasts a few hours. I kept begging for lies to feed my delusional self. Why do I do this? Dream big, hardly realistic and ending up falling short. While I feel beaten down for having to handle so much at one go, I also feel appreciative that it happened now before it was too late. As a pessimist would quote, "How much worse can it get?"
I remember a friend of mine who used to tell me that he starts off the day with a negative remark, expects the worst outcome possible and if it doesn't happen, his day has been made. Say, "I bet I will lose my job, get hit by a car and mauled by a stray dog by the end of the day," but only loses his job, then that day is a good day. I can strongly relate to that. I feed on setbacks.
I had a good dinner with an old friend, it's been a while since I had a proper meal. We went for drinks after, had my first sangria. Afterwards I met up with S and R, who were ever so kind to me, as always. It was exhausting trying to fight with my conscience, differentiating wrong from right. My mind and heart's ill at ease. I hope as time goes by, it will get easier.
Today was very difficult to go through. My indecisiveness and lack of self-importance didn't help. I seek comfort in friends' advice and words of motivation but the courage only lasts a few hours. I kept begging for lies to feed my delusional self. Why do I do this? Dream big, hardly realistic and ending up falling short. While I feel beaten down for having to handle so much at one go, I also feel appreciative that it happened now before it was too late. As a pessimist would quote, "How much worse can it get?"
I remember a friend of mine who used to tell me that he starts off the day with a negative remark, expects the worst outcome possible and if it doesn't happen, his day has been made. Say, "I bet I will lose my job, get hit by a car and mauled by a stray dog by the end of the day," but only loses his job, then that day is a good day. I can strongly relate to that. I feed on setbacks.
I had a good dinner with an old friend, it's been a while since I had a proper meal. We went for drinks after, had my first sangria. Afterwards I met up with S and R, who were ever so kind to me, as always. It was exhausting trying to fight with my conscience, differentiating wrong from right. My mind and heart's ill at ease. I hope as time goes by, it will get easier.
